Have You Ever Heard Comments Like These?

ImageHave you ever been told something about Special Education — either in passing or at an IEP meeting — that just didn’t seem right? All of us (parents, educators, and other professionals) at some point have said things we wish we could take back. Here are some actual comments that sent bewildered parents to double-check with Matrix:

  • We only have the speech therapist at our school twice a week, so we can’t offer more days…and actually we need to cut back on how many hours your child gets, because the therapist’s case load is so busy.
  • It is against our policy to have your child’s paraprofessional at an IEP meeting.
  • Your child doesn’t qualify for Special Education because she is too smart.
  • He just needs to try harder.
  • We can’t assess your child; the wait is too long.
  • Your daughter’s off-task behavior isn’t what behavior plans are for. They are for kids who have real behavior problems and are sent to the principal.
  • Until your child’s behavior is manageable, we have to place her on Home Hospital Instruction; then we will consider other placement options.
  • Since your child is eligible for an IEP under Intellectual Disability, she can no longer receive speech services.
  • In order to move your child to a new school, you must first waive your rights to an IEP.
  • We don’t do IEPs in middle school; he would need a 504 plan.
  • Since your child has autism, he has to be in the autism class.

When a comment doesn’t seem to make sense — or leaves you needing to take deep breaths! — here are some suggestions for what you can do or say:

  • “Please put that in writing.” If you are requesting a change to your child’s IEP and are told this can’t be done, ask for the denial in the form of Prior Written Notice (here are details from our IEP packet and from Families & Advocates Partnership for Education).
  • Show me. Sometimes it can help to say “Can you show me where it says that?” Ask to see policies. Keep in mind that school policies can’t be more restrictive than Education Code.
  • State your understanding. Learn the six core principles of Special Education. Refer to the “I” in IEP (Individual Education Plan) — it is a plan to meet your child’s individual needs. Any area impacted by the disability can be addressed in an IEP through a goal, accommodation, or service.
  • Request that the information you think may be incorrect be confirmed with a higher authority. This might be the Special Education Director, your local Special Education Local Plan Area (SELPA), or the California Department of Education Procedural Safeguard Service, 800.926.0648.
  • Ask for data or an expert. “I would like to request an assessment to understand why it is hard for my son to ‘try harder’,” or “Who can join our IEP team to explain my son’s disability? What skills need to be taught so that he is able to ‘try harder’?”
  • Defer. “I am requesting to schedule another IEP meeting so more information can be gathered about my request.”

The National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY) has posted additional ideas for how to respond, as has Friendship Circle.
Of course, sometimes the shoe is on the other foot! School and district staff hear comments from parents that make them take deep breaths. Some examples include:

  • My child didn’t learn anything last year.
  • I think you are just prejudiced.
  • It’s obvious that no one on the team understands my child.
  • You are trying to railroad my kid.
  • If only you would stop being so hard on my child, her behavior wouldn’t be a problem.
  • I know that my child couldn’t have done what you said he did because he told me he didn’t do it.

Comments can well up from frustration or due to limited experience or resources. Do your part to make the process productive. Read the communication tips in our Advocacy packet. If the exchange grows into a dispute, there are several methods available for parents to resolve conflicts; see our Resolving Disagreements packet.
If you learned something from this article, be a parent leader and share it with others! Together, our efforts can reach beyond our own children.



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